It Was Only A Kiss
by BonesBird
Summary: In the heat of the moment he kissed her, but when nothing changes he has to cope with his emotions. M/G. Angst. Come on you know me by now.
1. Mistake

**Title: It Was Only A Kiss  
****Summary: In the heat of the moment he kissed her, but when nothing changes he has to cope with his emotions. M/G. Angst. Come on you know me by now.  
****Lyrics: Mr Brightside - The Killers**

**OK. This idea came to me one night when I'd had a shitty day at work. So I wanted to use some of the angst productively and this came out, helped along by the song. The title and lyrics come from the song by the Killers. I adore it so, so, so, so, so, so much. This first chapter is as ex-rated as Shinny Shin Shin can get. Honest. I don't do it. But this story is writing itself in my brain, all for a few scenes that I have to write. Rated mostly for language.**

**My project of the Avenue Q story is still ongoing. But this came to me so much easier. It's very hard to write an M/G chapter to "If You Were Gay" or "Purpose" or (especially) "Schadenfreude"**

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Coming out of my cage  
**__**And I've been doing just fine  
**__**Gotta, gotta be down because I want it all**_

What possessed him to close that small gap between them he would never know. But he had done so. Why this time? Why this place? Why in such a manner?

For that he had absolutely no answer.

They had been sharing their usual banter, he had invited her round for movie night, they didn't have them as often as they once had, but they were still pretty common, almost once a month at least. He couldn't go longer without her. He'd learnt that time and again, and he'd made sure to tell her every time he learnt it.

But this time they'd moved closer and closer together. Until the tips of their noses were almost touching, sharing their special brand of banter and something else, something just below the surface. They'd both leant in, seeming to dare the other into a game of chicken. Neither one backing off, each moving less than an inch closer with every word they uttered.

There had been nothing more for him to do. They'd never gotten this close to the kiss that had been promised between them for six years, normally she'd have laughed him off by now, or he'd have pulled away with a wink. But the wine they drank had lowered his inhibitions, neither were drunk, they'd only had a glass or two each.

With barely a breathing space between their lips he decided to go for broke, and he finally got to kiss her. The kiss was light at first, but in the second she responded he pressed harder, she replied to every bit of pressure he placed, pushing her back against the wall, one hand in her hair the other on her hip, she held his t-shirt tightly. Grasping at it. Pulling him closer to her until he was forced to get off his stool to move towards her.

He pressed her tight to the wall, she was still on the stool but he was stood between her legs, he refused to move even a muscle. Slowly deepening the kiss, their tongues battling for dominance. He groaned as her hands tucked into the back of his belt, her nails gently digging into his lower back.

He wasn't sure what would happen, but the kiss was… mindblowing. There were no words. Every movement he made she either mirrored or opposed. There was no middle ground. There was no hesitation. Everything felt completely natural.

Then she got a call. He tried to bat her hand away from her cell. He kept his mouth on hers until the very last second. The second where she answered the call.

"Hi, Kevin. I'm sorry. OK. I'll be right there" He listened to the call. His heart breaking with every word out of her mouth. Every bit of distance she put behind them. By the time she hung up she was halfway across the room, with her jacket and her purse. She looked back at him, and uttered the words he hoped he'd never ever hear out of her mouth. "I'm sorry baby" she whispered, and with that she was gone.

He heard Esther start up and then pull off his driveway. He ran to the doorway and looked out at the empty space. "Fuck" he shouted into the open air. Had he just ruined everything?


	2. Why would I jeopardise this?

**Title: It Was Only A Kiss**  
**Summary: In the heat of the moment he kissed her, but when nothing changes he has to cope with his emotions. M/G. Angst. Come on you know me by now.**  
**Lyrics: Mr Brightside - The Killers**

**So, I wrote a huge, long A/N before, but it didn't post.  
Thanks to everyone who has so far reviewed, me loves you all. This is a pressie for being so awesome.**

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It started out with a kiss  
**__**How did it end up like this**_

What the hell had she done. What had the wine and the romance of the night caused her to do. She felt like not only had she just technically cheated on her boyfriend, she had kissed her best friend. More than kissed him. She'd had her hands in his jeans at one point, she seemed to remember that part vividly.

Then she'd taken the damn call from Kevin. She wished that she'd let Derek's insistence she should win, then she'd still be with him doing something she had no doubt would be crazy. Insane. Downright magical. But fundamentally wrong.

She wasn't a cheater. Never had done and she hadn't had any intention of doing. But tonight, what had happened. She couldn't explain it. They were always like that. The games of chicken had gone on since the day they met. They'd flirt, it'd get really heated then one or the other would back away.

Why hadn't she backed away?

She knew it was a question she should be asking herself. But right now she wanted to put everything to the back of her mind. She didn't want to think about her best friend when she was on the way to her boyfriend's place.

"Shit" she said as she moved her arm and got a whiff of Derek's aftershave. How was she going to explain that one. But Kevin had bad sinuses. She knew that, and hoped he wouldn't be able to smell her guilt over what had gone on.

Pulling up at Kevin's place she plastered on a smile and tried to remove Derek Morgan from her thoughts. She knew it would be easier said than done.

"Hey Penny" He grinned as he opened the door to her. Showering her in affection as she came in, further pushing what had happened from her mind.

"Hi, sorry I had dinner with Derek, we were going to watch a movie but you called so I came" she grinned, following him in and accepting another glass of wine. She looked at it and guessed she wouldn't be leaving Kevin's that night.

"You left him for me" Kevin spluttered. In three years he could probably count on one hand the number of times she'd chosen to see him when she'd already been out with Derek. Though she hoped it didn't raise any suspicions. Not that Kevin was generally too jealous, unless it was Derek.

"Of course I did silly, you're my boyfriend" she laughed off. Taking a seat on his sofa and leaning into him. "What are we watching"

"10 Ways Hackers Could Rule The World" he smiled and wrapped his arm round her. They soon settled into their familiar routine. Drinks, sweets and a chat. If was comfortable. He told her he loved her and she responded.

Why had she jeopardised this?

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**For those who prayed for my nephew I mentioned in my last fic, he passed away on 1/10/10 in his mum and dad's arms. Very peaceful end to a short life of fight. We love him very very much still. He has joined his cousin Kaden and his sister, Sophie, in Sto'Vo-Kor. Hours, Days, Weeks. My three little angels are now together.**


	3. I Didn't

**Title: It Was Only A Kiss  
****Summary: In the heat of the moment he kissed her, but when nothing changes he has to cope with his emotions. M/G. Angst. Come on you know me by now.  
****Lyrics: Mr Brightside - The Killers**

**LONG CHAPTER ALERT… or… long for me at least. The bit of this chapter in Garcia's office is one of the three scenes that planted this idea in my brain. **

**FYI reviews make me write more.**

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Now I'm falling asleep  
**__**And she's calling a cab**_

He woke up the next morning frustrated and angry at his rash actions. Thankfully they were in work today, so he hoped to get her alone for a minute, just a minute, to talk about what had happened, because he hadn't imagined her response, he hadn't imagined the grip she held, and the feel as her hands had slid into his belt…

He needed to stop thinking about it though, because he was one hundred percent certain that she wasn't thinking about it. At least, not in the way he was anyway.

She had a boyfriend. He had ignored that fact last night, and for a while that had been going incredibly well for him. He'd had her mouth on his. It had been… more than anything. He couldn't describe it.

But now he was cold and lonely, laid in his bed with ridiculously sexy thoughts about his best friend.

How had it all come down to this? He still couldn't answer that.

He had to shower, he had to get rid of her smell. It had lingered around him all night. As had the images, the memories of her touch had flashed through his mind all through the night.

Because nothing could remove her from his thoughts.

He wasn't going to try too hard either. He just needed to get her out of his system. Normally he'd have gone for a run before the shower, but today he just wanted to be in work before she was. He wanted to see if their normal routine would be changed any further. If he really had ruined it.

* * *

Never had so much rested on his shoulders as he drove to Quantico. He had had serial killers, and children's lives balanced. But never his own happiness, and that was something he had every intention of protecting.

But she wasn't there. She didn't arrive when she always did. When she did arrive she didn't return his greeting, she barely looked at him before she raced down to her cave, her office, her safe haven.

He needed to head this off straight away. He didn't want anything to come in between them. He walked down there, about 20 minutes afterwards. It was right around the corner from his own office, he remembered her saying she'd been thrilled when JJ confirmed it was Hall's office that he'd be taking over. So that they would never have to go far to see each other.

"Hey, baby girl" he muttered, coming into her office and shutting the door behind him.

"Hi" she replied, not even glancing at him. He could sense the wall she'd put between them. He didn't try to approach her too closely, instead choosing to lean against the corner of her desk. His corner.

"Baby, are we OK?" he glanced down at her, catching the slowly rising heat in her face

"I don't know, Derek? Are we? Is anyone OK?" She answered quickly. Not even looking at him for a second.

"I get it, you're pissed, and you sorta deserve to be. Because, I initiated it. But…" he trailed off, thinking how best to phrase the next part of his sentence "Baby, I didn't imagine you responding"

"Derek, I didn't respond!" She almost screeched at him. It was never the volume, but always the pitch.

"You did, and I can understand why you don't want to admit that you did"

"I. Didn't" she hissed. Punctuating her point with a pause. "I have a boyfriend, Derek, and I'm not a cheater" he saw her mentally dismissing him, so now wouldn't be the time to push it.

"I know you're not baby" he left quickly, not wanting her to take him to task again. But at least he'd confirmed it.

He'd fucked it up with his best friend. Now he was a broken man.


	4. Again

**Title: It Was Only A Kiss  
****Summary: In the heat of the moment he kissed her, but when nothing changes he has to cope with his emotions. M/G. Angst. Come on you know me by now.  
****Lyrics: Mr Brightside - The Killers**

**OK I'm raising the rating a little here… THIS is by far the most graphic thing I have ever written that wasn't roleplay (and I'll be honest, I stole some of it from a roleplay from a while back). BUT It is the beginning of the end of Kevin. This is coming up to one of the other scenes that really drove me to write this fic. One of the reasons I started and one of the scenes that Angela helped implant into my brain in the middle of writing. The leaving scene is one I had in my head as I wrote, and the toilet scene is what came to me.**

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While he's having a smoke  
**__**And she's taking a drag**_

Nothing could have prepared her for the case that week. However hard she tried to pretend that she didn't love him, it was impossible. He was still, and would always be, her best friend. So hearing the gunshot, and how he stopped in the middle of a sentence to her, she died just a little bit.

Kevin and Derek didn't get along personally, though they tried to for her sake. Three weeks later, when he was well enough to go out again, the whole team went out. She brought Kevin, JJ brought Will, and the whole team bonded.

She caught Derek's eyes whenever Kevin touched her, whenever she got up and went to dance with him. Whenever he offered her a drink, or spoke to her. There was only so much she could take, and she could tell Kevin had noticed it.

It had been a month, one whole month since their kiss, and she had successfully hidden that anything had happened from Kevin. She didn't want it all being spoilt by Derek acting like an ass and drinking too much.

"Derek" She said grabbing his arm and practically dragging him in the direction of the toilets. She motioned to Kevin to stay where he was. She pushed on the door of the disabled toilet, surprised to find it open. It was the most private place in a busy bar she could hope for.

She slammed the door shut behind them and locked the door before he could even look sheepish, the second she turned around he was there, right next to her, and her willpower faded.

He kissed her so forcefully she was shocked, but soon responded, she wasn't exactly willing at first, she tried to fight what her body was telling her, but she couldn't fight what felt so natural. He pushed her back against the door, almost lifting her off the floor.

She kissed back, and felt how he was clearly feeling as he leant against her, she didn't want him going this as some drunken mistake, if she was going to let him do it at all. "Derek how much have you drunk?"

"Not a drop baby girl" he moaned, kissing her neck. She couldn't push him away, she couldn't turn this down. Every inch of her was wanting it. But she couldn't. Because she loved Kevin. Didn't she. She returned a few more of Derek's kisses, before she gently pushed him away,

"Derek you can't make me do this, please" she almost cried, the tears in her eyes evident, "I don't know what I want. I'm so confused because all of a sudden there is all" she waved a hand between them, not looking into his eyes, but at a point on his nose. "just, give me time to figure this out." she finished, wiping her eyes and walking into the ladies. She looked at herself in the mirror and was suddenly so glad she had superstay lipgloss on.

What did she want. It was a question she needed to answer.

The obvious question was did she love Kevin, and she did, with all her heart. 3 years together showed that much. Did she think she had a future with him. Yes.

But did she want to pass up the opportunity with Derek, because he was making it plainly obvious what he thought about her. Right now about all she could think about was how much she loved them both, and how this was turning into the hardest decision of her life.

They sat opposite each other at the table for the rest of the night, Kevin had his arm around her, and would occasionally make a comment in her ear, but not once did she look at him. She was thinking about Derek, about what he had brought to her today, and for the last month.

As Kevin pulled her up to leave her eyes locked again with Derek, and the eye contact didn't break. They walked clear across the room, and she still had his eyes locked with hers. She could see the pain in his eyes that he wasn't the one walking her out. That he wasn't the one she was going home with.

How could she stay with Kevin, after seeing the truth laid out like that. She had known all along that her only reason for staying, wasn't some clichéd reason from a romance book, but was because she thought she was in love with her boyfriend. Maybe she was, but in a different way.

The kisses she and Derek had shared were electric, and maybe, just maybe, things would turn out alright for them, and they would make everything work.

As Kevin paid their bill she looked back to Derek and gave him a small smile. He returned it with interest, getting out all his sparkly white teeth. Maybe he knew what she'd decided. But only time would tell.

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**I'll be honest, I haven't written much after the next chapter because I'm still squealing so much over last nights episode.**


	5. Why?

**Title: It Was Only A Kiss  
****Summary: In the heat of the moment he kissed her, but when nothing changes he has to cope with his emotions. M/G. Angst. Come on you know me by now.  
****Lyrics: Mr Brightside - The Killers**

**Oh wow… look at all the reviews I got. THANK YOU! I discussed this with Nath before I started it, and the reasons are real, I got really fed up of some of the "cliché" reasons that crop up in almost every story. He's a player, she's a nerd. So not true! So I decided to go the opposite way and draw out real situations.  
Naidoo sweetness, I'm basing Kevin sorta on one of my exes in this. So… don't get any illusions that I like him.  
I'm seriously blown away at how many people like this story, as I'm not sure how it came about.**

**Thoughts are going out to my lovely Pat, my Morgan, who was deployed to Iraq today. I'm gonna miss you babe. Can't wait til you're back. **

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Now they're going to bed  
**__**And my stomach is sick.**_

After she left the toilet he sunk to the floor, hands on his head. Again he had initiated it, again she had responded, but again she had pushed him off.

This time, he wasn't certain if she'd run straight back to Kevin. This time he wasn't sure what she was telling him. Other than that he was confusing her. After all this time. They were the words she used.

Besides their flirting, their naughty words and sometimes actions, she had never given him even the smallest inclination that that was how she felt about him. That she wanted something more.

Maybe he should have guessed that she wouldn't be sure. She'd been with Lynch for 3 years. She couldn't just throw that away. They were a couple.

But watching the two of them when they returned to the table he could see how torn she was. She was listening to Lynch, smiling and laughing at the jokes and comments he was clearly making. To anyone who didn't know her like he did they'd look like a couple who had no problems.

Then she'd catch his eye, and it was like everything around him faded, and there was only the two of them in the room. Nobody else. He read that she was trying to tell him she was thinking about it. About him.

He wanted to tell her that nothing would ever come between them. He knew that her mind would be thinking about how she was already in a relationship, and would it be worth giving it up.

He didn't want to know her reasons, she didn't want to know what she was really thinking. He didn't want to think what he was thinking as Lynch pulled her away and towards the door. As she stood up he caught her eye again.

The tension that passed between them in those minutes where they held the others eye was stunning. But now she was going home, with Lynch and not him.

His mind assaulted him with images of everything he was missing out. He'd had her body against him twice now, but she didn't want him. Or she wasn't sure what she wanted. He knew what he wanted, and that was her to be with him.

It should have been him.

One day soon, he was certain, it would be him.


	6. Please Let Me Go

**Title: It Was Only A Kiss  
****Summary: In the heat of the moment he kissed her, but when nothing changes he has to cope with his emotions. M/G. Angst. Come on you know me by now.  
****Lyrics: Mr Brightside - The Killers**

**It's been more than 24 hours and I'm still squeeing over the episode. OMG SO MUCH MORCIA LOVIN'. Also there were some scene's for my favourite Buddy ship "Harcia" as well. (BTW I'm working on an ironic joke-fic based on the two of them) This chapter is a bit random, but I'm being distracted by my general apathy and the f*ckwits 3 doors down who are setting off fireworks 3 weeks before Bonfire Night (ask if you want… LOL).**

**I also apologise for any mistakes towards the end. I'm quite drunk right now (if you review you will get drunk typed reply)**

_**And it's all in my head  
**__**But she's touching his chest now**_

She sat in the car after they left the bar and leant against the window. Barely paying any attention as Kevin got in and started talking about how he thought the night had gone. How he thought he had finally bonded with her team-mates, and that he was glad he could participate more in her work life.

She had to admit, Kevin was sweet, and kind. He tried his hardest to get into her life and her friends. He had even tried to get to know Derek at one point, early in their relationship. She knew he would normally rather not spend time with the team, because he generally liked to keep work and home separate. The team liked him well enough.

She did love Kevin. She wouldn't have stayed with him if she didn't. She had a happy, contented life. But there was no edge in that life. Kevin wasn't as spontaneous as she would have liked. Not now anyway. They had passed the first love stage. Way, way passed it. Now they were almost in a rut, everything felt stayed and normal. Regular.

Derek on the other hand. He was the image of spontaneity. Even now, when they were only friends, or whatever they were, he would surprise her with little things. Little shows of how he felt.

And the kiss.

Oh lord the kiss.

She had lied to him, when she'd said she didn't respond.

Of course she'd responded, who wouldn't respond when she had _that_ kissing them. She had struggled to stop the second time. But sex in a public bathroom was _not_ something any self-respecting girl would do. She knew that JJ and Em would never forgive her if her first fumble with Morgan had been in a bathroom.

Whoa. Where had that thought come from. What were these two guys doing to her.

"Penny, are you with me" came the voice that snapped her from her reverie. She looked over to him as they pulled up outside his apartment. They always went to his, never hers. She wondered why now. It seemed like since Derek had kissed her she was re-thinking everything in her relationship.

"Yeah, sorry babe, I was miles away" she replied lightly, smiling as she followed him getting out of the car, she smiled at Esther there in the parking spot beside them, she loved that car.

"Your mind is on him?" Kevin asked, seemingly resigned

"I got a lot to think about" she whispered, looking at him and hoping he'd drop it.

"Pen, you're with me" he said, slamming his palms on the car they were still separated by

"But I want to _think _Kevin. I'm allowed" she snapped at him, glowering over the roof of the car

"What do you have to think about, you have always said you two are just friends and I trust you, so I haven't pressed anything" he replied evenly, not letting his emotions take him over

"Kevin. Leave it" she growled, hoping he'd get the point to leave it alone, but he began to walk around the car, she countered, moving in the same direction, staying away from him so her point for space would be taken.

"No, Pen I want to know what's in your mind. What's on it. What's all about it" he almost shouted, she felt he was implying that she didn't tell him everything, she was completely honest with him. Mostly. The one secret that she was desperate to hide but burning to tell.

"Derek kissed me, twice" she murmured, as quietly as she could, not looking at him. She heard his footsteps stop, and when she turned his jaw had dropped. He was just staring at her for a minute

"W-What?" he eventually stammered, still looking gob smacked.

"I have to go" she ran to Esther, throwing herself in the front seat

"Oh no you don't Pen. What do you mean Morgan kissed you?" she heard him shout, but she was already started and ready to go, she rolled down the window to finish what she wanted to say.

"Kevin I need to go, just let me"


	7. Kevin

**Title: It Was Only A Kiss  
****Summary: In the heat of the moment he kissed her, but when nothing changes he has to cope with his emotions. M/G. Angst. Come on you know me by now.  
****Lyrics: Mr Brightside - The Killers**

**This is the final of the major scene's I wanted to write, and that's the boys confrontation towards the end. I wanted it to be a physical instance of who she chooses.**

**OK I don't know who nominated me for the Profilers Choice awards for "A True Love Never Dies" but whoever you are, thank you. I love you. Total truth.**

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He takes off her dress now  
**__**Let me go**_

Her office door was closed when he arrived, that was never a good sign. Since he'd been given the office around the corner, and he had to walk past her office every day, she'd left it open until he was in. He put his bags and things in his office and gently knocked on her door. Pushing it open, he was surprised to not see her sat at her computers, but on the small sofa at the side of her office.

She wiped her face as he came in, shutting the door behind him. He looked down at her and sat on the sofa next to her, doing nothing, saying nothing, besides pulling her into his arms. He wasn't sure if that was what she'd wanted him to do, but he knew his best friend. It was what she'd needed him to do.

"Penelope" he whispered, pulling back from her slightly. He wanted to see what was wrong with her, to know that it wasn't his fault, though he knew it probably was. "Baby, what's wrong"

"Derek I told him" she cried, clutching onto his shirt, "I told him that we kissed and he was all" she paused and took a deep breath, seeming to search for the words. "He was all calm and I just didn't know what to do and I didn't want to explain how I felt because I don't know how I feel about him or about you or about myself right now. So I got in my car and I left and I haven't" he put his finger to her lips, hushing her.

"Motor mouth, calm" he pulled her back into him, "whatever happens make sure it's the best thing for you. Don't think about me or Lynch"

"I can't stop thinking about you"

"Me and Lynch"

"No. Just you. Since that kiss. You've been who I think about."

"Then why?"

"Because I love him. I thought I wanted my forever with him. You taught me that I don't. I want" She trailed off. Looking past him back to the door, he hadn't looked at it since he'd walked in. He turned to see Kevin stood there. The look he gave Derek immediately raised his back.

"I thought you and him weren't doing anything" he almost shouted at Penelope, with a hint of an accusation in his tone. Derek didn't like the way he said it, and stood up, in front of her.

"Get out of here Lynch, Pen will call you when she knows what she wants" he said, trying to walk the tech back towards the door, away from her.

"Shut it Morgan. You are the cause of all this" Lynch pointed at him. Almost prodding him in the chest until he took a step back, staying in front of her the whole time.

"I'm the cause?" he asked, knowing that technically it was.

"She told me you kissed her, so it's all your fault" Lynch took another step towards him, this time Derek didn't back away, staying stood in the one spot, for once glad he wasn't armed

"What that your girlfriend wants to think about things" he shot back to Lynch, he'd never liked the guy.

"Morgan I just want to talk to her" Lynch almost pleaded, but Derek wasn't having any of it. Pen was just trying to think, and he had the right to talk to his best friend.

"I already told you, she'll call you" he growled, getting fed up of Lynch not taking the hint.

"What are you gonna do to stop me, huh?" Lynch stepped right up in front of him

"Kevin, Derek! Stop it" Penelope shouted, getting in between them, her back against Derek, pushing Kevin away, once she'd pushed Derek back towards the sofa and got Kevin an arms length away she stopped, knowing that nothing physical would start while she was between them.

"Penny, I thought you loved me" Kevin asked, sounding slightly defeated.

"I do love you Kevin. I just need time to think" Penelope replied, still pressed right against Derek, he placed his hand on her arm, looking at Lynch then back to Penelope.

"The person you're standing with is clearly who you chose, because if I stood a chance, you'd have pushed me away like that" Lynch slowly turned and walked out of the room,

"Kevin" Penelope called after him. When he didn't come back she sagged into his arms. Crying against his chest.


	8. Who Am I Kidding

**Title: It Was Only A Kiss  
****Summary: In the heat of the moment he kissed her, but when nothing changes he has to cope with his emotions. M/G. Angst. Come on you know me by now.  
****Lyrics: Mr Brightside - The Killers**

**So. I wrote this chapter and work and I'm not going to pretend that I love it. But it is what I wanted it and what I need it to be.**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you to whoever nominated my story "A True Love Never Dies" in the Profilers Choice awards. I'm so honoured to be there. I know I'm not gonna win but I'm happy with just a nomination.**

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**_

_**And I just can't look it's killing me**_  
_**I'm taking control**_

She hadn't had two men fighting over her before. Two grown men. What were the odds of that.

She knew for certain had this opportunity presented itself a year or two ago she'd have nothing to think about. Kevin would be dropped like last years love and she'd have jumped into something with Derek.

But it had been three years. She and Kevin had planned a life together, they'd planned so much, and two kisses from her best friend had changed all that. Two kisses had her head spinning and thinking about her loved Kevin. There was absolutely no doubt in her mind about that. She loved him. But there was so much that she didn't like. That was normal in a relationship though, wasn't it? Not liking one of your partners friends or what he did on a Saturday night when he blew you off to hang with his friends. But you had to take the good with the bad, right?

She loved Derek as well. In a different way, but she knew that there was a spark there. There had always been something bubbling between them, just below the surface. They had never confronted their chemistry before, but now she felt like that was all she could do, should do, to decide which of these men she wanted to choose.

But who was she kidding by thinking about it. She knew that regardless of her feelings for Kevin, and how much he had tried to allow her to be who she was, who she wanted to be, he'd always been a little too supportive. A little too… _there_ all the time. She thought back to when JJ had left, Derek had been the person that had found her in her office sobbing. He'd held her tightly until she had been calm enough to go home. That had been a couple of hours. He'd been the person who'd convinced her that she couldn't replace JJ a few weeks, and a few cases, later.

They had been getting closer ever since the personally disastrous case in Alaska a few months earlier. They'd always been close but for a time they had drifted. Mostly her fault, she'd been focused on making things work with Kevin. Then Alaska had reminded her how much she still needed her best friend.

Though Kevin tried to compete, he wasn't even in the same scale as Derek. He was an amazing boyfriend, a good friend and a great person. But he wasn't for her. One day he would be the best someone could hope for. He would be someone's "knight in shining armour".

She realised that she wasn't even kidding herself any more. She just needed to break it to them.


	9. It Was Only A Kiss

**Title: It Was Only A Kiss  
****Summary: In the heat of the moment he kissed her, but when nothing changes he has to cope with his emotions. M/G. Angst. Come on you know me by now.  
****Lyrics: Mr Brightside - The Killers**

**OK Folks. I'm ending this here purely because I have too many ideas running around in my head and unfortunately I don't think I can go on with this one too much longer.**

**Hope you've all enjoyed reading this one, and thank you so much for the reviews, they make my day. **

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_**It was only a kiss**_

__"Kevin" she said, slowly walking up to his door. He looked at her wearily, she could see that the last 24 hours had weighed heavily on him as well. She had had to think though, and she knew he wouldn't be happy with the decision she'd come too. But she still had to tell him face to face.

"Penny" He said, trying his best to keep his voice level. "You've decided then?" He stood straighter, she nodded and was almost prepared for him to start yelling at her again. "Well, I suppose I always knew it would come to this"

"What?" she asked, confused by what he meant, and they resigned way in which he said it.

"It would always come to me versus him, and we both knew how that would end" He stated simply. She realised that even her boyfriend had seen what was between her and Derek before she had done. "I love you, Pen"

"I know you do Kevin. I'm sorry that I can't return that." She said, with genuine regret. She had loved him, but not in the way she should have done, maybe."Good luck" He ended with, walking into his apartment and shutting the door. She deserved that, at the very least. In her mind she deserved a lot more.

She had fallen in love with her best friend. Now he was the only person that didn't know, and she had a way to tell him exactly what she wanted him to be. Exactly what she wanted him to do.

_**It was only a kiss**_

She turned up on his front porch when he was about to go out for a run. He had never seen her looking so nervous.

"Baby girl?" he asked, stopping dead when he saw her. Dropping the shirt he had over his shoulder on to a chair beside his door.

"I've decided" She whispered simply, pushing past him into the house. He shook his head and followed her in. Deciding whatever she had in store for him would wear him out much more than his run ever could have done.

He barely got the door closed before she dived on him. His arms went around her automatically, she felt like a happy weight in his arms, like she was a perfect fit. She kissed him, hard, barely giving him a second to take a breath before she had taken another one. "Whoa, baby" he smiled, leaning back a little to look into her eyes. He lead her slowly over to the sofa, sitting down and pulling her against him.

"Derek, I'm sorry" she whispered, he squeezed her slightly, holding her tightly. Now he had the option to do this he never wanted to let her go.

"Why?" he laughed, not understanding how she could think she needed to apologise for anything at all.

"Because I always overlooked you" she murmured, leaning her head on his shoulder so she could look into his eyes. He gave her a smile before starting talking,

"Penelope, you are my best friend, and more than that you're the woman I love. I can't believe you would think you needed to be sorry"

"I love you." She whispered against his lips as he leant down to kiss her again.

"I know" he replied, just thankful she had eventually picked him.


End file.
